Unit 6

De-escalation 2: Communication

6b) Hearing What Other People Have To Say

Goals:

The students will…

• Continue to learn about the importance of good communication skills in resolving conflicts in their own lives, this time focusing more on listening to what others are feeling rather than explaining how they’re feeling.
• Demonstrate the practical application of those skills.
• Discover the importance of being a good listener, and practice good listening techniques.
• Explore the different ways in which people communicate without speaking, and the impact this behavior can have on a conflict.
• Realize that good listening is essential in figuring out what other people want in a conflict, which in turn is essential in reaching a solution.
• Understand the necessity of good listening in averting misunderstandings.
• Accomplish the personal goal for your classroom for today:________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

The volunteers will…

• Practice their own communication skills with the students.

Materials

• Heart Surgery sheets, enough for the whole class.

Methods

I. Opening activity: Engage the Students: Counting to Ten (15 minutes)

II. EARS: The Components of Good Listening (5 minutes)

III. Practicing Good Listening: Heart Surgery (20 minutes)

IV. Closing Activity: Evaluation Questions (5 minutes)

Preparation

• Make enough copies of the Heart Surgery Role-Play sheets for entire class.
• Familiarize yourself with the meaning of E.A.R.S.
• Read through this lesson completely and familiarize yourself with the main points.

I. Opening Activity: Engage the Students: Counting to Ten

(Estimated time: 15 minutes)

Volunteer leading this activity _________________________________

Estimated time for your class to complete this activity ______________________

Activity Goals:

• Get students to focus and concentrate.
• Use good listening and good non-verbal communication.
• Work together.

This activity requires good concentration and group work on the part of the students in order to count to ten without two students saying the same number at the same time.

• Break the class up into 2-3 smaller groups, with each volunteer leading one group.
• Each group needs to count to ten aloud but only one person can talk at one time.
• One person begins by saying "one" and then another student continues the counting with "two," until the group reaches "ten".
• Everyone must speak once and each person can only say one number.
• This game is harder than it seems because often two members of the group will say the same number at the same time. Every time this happens, the group must start all over again from "one."
• If there are more than ten students in a group, have them count to a higher number so everyone gets a turn.

After the students are unsuccessful a few times, stop them and ask what they could do better to be successful.

• They could work together, communicate better, etc.
• They could work out a system of eye contact or pointing, etc.

If the group finishes early, feel free to have students do the activity again with a greater challenge, such as counting to 30, or counting to 10 with eyes closed.

Discussion

• Did the game work? Why or why not?
• If not, how could it have worked?
• Communication! Good listening. Concentration. Using or paying attention to body language.
• What made the game hard? How did you overcome those challenges?
• Through communicating more effectively, concentrating, etc.
• Have several students explain their strategies in the game. How did communication help you in this game?
• How can listening be an important part of communication?
• If the other person isn’t listening, then communication is useless.


• We discussed last week how important good communication is in resolving conflicts. What are some of the ways you learned to express your wishes in a conflict last time?
• Body language, tone of voice, i-speak (explaining your objectives clearly and the reasons behind them.
• Along these lines, why is good listening just as important in resolving a conflict with someone else?
• You have to be able to figure out what they want so the two of you can reach an agreement.
• What is the difference between listening and hearing?
• Hearing is passive, but listening is active.

Tell the students that since listening is so important, the next activity is going to focus on good listening.

II. E.A.R.S.: The Components of Good Listening

(estimated time: 5 minutes)

Volunteer Leading this activity _________________________________________

Estimated time for your class to complete this activity _______________________

Activity Goals:

• Learn and remember good listening skills.
• Connect these skills to a procedure that relates to understanding someone else and working out your conflict.

E.A.R.S. describes a step-by-step process of listening to someone else and responding. E.A.R.S. can be used in order to understand what another person wants and where he or she is coming from, which is essential not just in understanding the other person, but helping to solve a conflict. Make sure the students understand this.

Since the students just figured out (in the previous discussion) that good listening is important to communication, they are ready to learn about good listening.

• As one volunteer speaks, the other volunteer writes the following on the board:

Encourage

Ask

Restate

Summarize

• Explain how, in order to listen carefully to other people, we have to use our “ears.” The letters in E.A.R.S. stand for the 4 components of being a good listener. Call on students to try to define each word, but make sure you go over what each means in a way that makes sense to the class, using examples if necessary. Connect these examples to listening to someone else during a conflict and trying to solve the conflict. Use the following as guidelines:


• ENCOURAGE: Encourage the other person to keep talking. Show that you are interested in what they are saying.
• For example: “Tell me more…”
• ASK: Ask questions to get more information or to better understand what the other person wants.
• For example: “Why are your feelings hurt by this?” “What would you like to do instead?”
• RESTATE: Say again in your own words the basic ideas, including facts and the other person’s feelings.
• For example: “So you were upset that I told people about your brother’s problem…”
• SUMMARIZE: Pull together the important ideas and feelings as both of you said them. Point out the things you have in common.

Example: “This seems to be what happened, and you’re feeling…Is that right?”

III. Practicing Good Listening: Heart Surgery

(estimated time: 20 minutes)

Volunteer Leading this activity _________________________________________

Estimated time for your class to complete this activity _______________________

Activity Goal:

• Use practical applications of E.A.R.S. in solving a conflict as a group.

Divide up into two or three smaller groups, depending on the number of teachers you have.

Explain the game.

• Students will pretend to be patients at a big hospital. Seven patients need a heart transplant, but there is only one heart donor at this time. All patients could receive the heart. The patients must debate with each other who deserves the heart the most, each making a case that they deserve it the most.
• A person gets a point every time they use good listening skills (one component of E.A.R.S.). The character with the most points gets the heart and gets to live.
• Make sure to explain very clearly that in order to get points, each “patient” must Encourage the person before them to clarify his or her view, Ask questions about why he or she has that view, Restate what that person has said, and Summarize the main points.

Distribute copies of the heart surgery handout to the class. Assign roles. If there are too many students for each to have a role, make some students score-keepers.

This game is more about students practicing their good listening skills than solving the problem itself. Make sure to keep the students on-task.

Discussion:

• What made it hard to re-state what other people were saying? Did you often forget it if you weren’t listening carefully enough?
• How did you help yourself remember what the person before you said?
• What kinds of questions helped you clarify what the person before you was saying?
• Did what people originally said get changed around when someone else re-stated it?
• How did good listening and communication help you make a decision about the heart surgery?

IV. Closing Activity: Evaluation Questions

(estimated time: 5 minutes)

Volunteer Leading this activity _________________________________________

Estimated time for your class to complete this activity _______________________

Activity Goals:

• To review the skills and concepts discussed in the lesson.
• To introduce some of the themes that will come up in the next lesson.

Incorporate questions such as:

• What were some of the aspects of communication you learned about this week and how will they help you work out problems and de-escalate conflicts?
• Good listening: E.A.R.S.: Encourage, Ask Questions, Restate, Summarize.
• Review I-Speak from last week. How does I-Speak relate to E.A.R.S.? How can you use both to solve a conflict?
• E.A.R.S. helps you listen to the other person’s point of view, I-speak helps you express your own.
• What is negotiation and how does it relate to communication?
• Negotiation is what you’ve just practiced, with E.A.R.S. and I-speak: learning to state your point of view and figure out what the problems and solutions are.
• How can you apply the skills you’ve learned to other areas besides your personal conflicts?
• Solving a problem in your community, writing to the government, etc.

Tell the students that you will continue to talk about communication next week, and you will cover negotiation later in the year.

BEFORE YOU GO:

• Tell the class when you will be coming next
• Talk with the classroom teacher about how the lesson went.
• Write notes for yourselves on how the different activities went.

MATERIALS:

• Heart Surgery sheets for Practicing Good Listening: Heart Surgery
• Enough copies for the whole class.

Heart Surgery Committee

You are patients at a big hospital. Seven of you need a heart transplant but there is only one heart donor at this time. All of you could receive the heart. Who should get it? Why?

You must debate why you deserve the heart the most, but you must use good listening. Use your EARS for good listening:

E: Encourage the other to speak.

A: Ask questions.

R: Restate what the other person said.

S: Summarize the facts and what everyone has said.

PATIENTS:

1. A 31 year old famous brain surgeon at the height of her career.

Black woman. Single. No children.

2. A 12 year old musician. Japanese girl. Single. No children.

3. A 40 year old teacher. Hispanic man. Married. 2 children.

4. A 15 year old pregnant girl. White. Unmarried. No other children.

5. A 35 year old Roman Catholic priest. White man. Unmarried. No children.

6. A 17 year old waitress, high school dropout, helps her family with her wages. White woman. Unmarried. No children.

7. A 38 year old scientist working on a cure for AIDS. Chinese woman. In long-term relationship with a 39 year old woman. Two children.

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