History: The Free-Trade Fat Cat was the pet of Fair-Trade Frank. At a rally the cat was exposed to a bizarre and untested mixture of pepper spray, tear gas, and hummus. He began to grow uncontrolledly, and soon became ravenous. He found that only through unfettered trade and free markets could he consume his neverending hunger for profit and growth, and he swore revenge on his erstwhile owner. Growing to enormous proportions, the Fat Cat swore revenge on Frank.
Backed up by the powerful Corporate Claw, the Fat Cat invaded the Commune [hall] of Global Justice only to be repelled by the bad publicity created by Transparency Boy. However, when she teamed up with the NAFTA Baffler, the forces of evil began to reign, and the Fat Cat ascended to global dominance.
On April 20, the Fat Cat and his underlings will be prowling behind the scenes of the Summit of the Americas in Quebec, grinning at the negotiations for the Free Trade Area of the Americas.
Line: "Liberalize this, privatize that! Who's afraid of a big Fat Cat?"
Favorite FTAA Fact: 'Liberalization' - allowing capital and goods to flow freely-- creates a 'race to the bottom', where countries are forced to vie for [corporate investment] corporations by [maintaining low] labor and environmental standards, and slashing corporate taxes (leading to cuts in critical social services).
Name: The Mobilizer Home: the Commune of Social Justice Powers: Ability to organize diverse social justice groups into a common fight.[I prefer] Able to channel the power of the people and direct it at unaccountable corporations and government bureaucrats.
History: The Mobilizer was born on the ice planet Orgaan, and showed a preternatural ability to build coalitions among the people his home world (know as Orgaan-Icers). Soon the Mobilizer left her home planet in order to battle the Hegemon. For Aeons of earth-time, She cris-crossed the universe awakening people all over the galaxy to their collective power. A stray ray from Biohazard's blast-ray hit her spacemodule, and she was sent tumbling to Earth.
She lived two years in an ashram in Astoria, Queens, recovering from the culture shock. Unable to deny her urge to organize, she contacted Fair-Trade Frank and the Facilitator, and moved from Queens to the Commune of Social Justice. The Mobilizer can be found wherever a people come together to battle special interests and elites for justice, freedom, democracy, human rights and sustainability.
The Mobilizer has recently been sighted around New Haven, organizing legions of mortals to combat the FTAA, engaging in frequent battles with the NAFTA Baffler and her arch-foe, the Hegemon.
Line: "I ain't lookin to block you up, shock or knock or lock you up, analyze you, categorize you, finalize you or advertise you. All I really want to do is mobilize you." [I don't get this - is it funny?] I prefer "Give the People What They Want" (I replaced Transparency Girl's line)
Favorite FTAA Fact: The people of the Americas helped stop the MAI, and they can stop the FTAA too. Alternate fact: the majority of Americans polled favor fair trade over free trade, believe globalization will hurt workers and the environment, and want U.S. trade policy to favor environmental improvement over other goals including promoting exports.
Name: Democracy Girl Home: Athens, Greece Power: Able to put anything to a popular vote.
History: Born of a long line of patriarchal systems of governance, Democracy Girl's father was Plutocracy Guy, her grandfather Monarchy Man. Disgusted by his offspring, Plutocracy Guy tried to off his daughter by exposing her on a lonely mountaintop. She escaped with the help of the people (and a cyclops named Alvin), and fled to France, then America, the Russia, but wherever she went the evil forces of plutocracy were against her. She came out of hiding to participate in the liberation movements of the 1960s, and curiously, the movement to legalize weed.
Since her youth, Democracy Girl has fought the Commodifier, who undermines democratic decision-making by turning people, nature, social justice and even the building blocks of life itself into commodities that can be bought and sold . In the 1990s, the Commodifier teamed with the NAFTA Baffler. Democracy Girl could not fight them alone, and fled to fight another day. Finding friends in the Commune of Global Justice, she eschewed private property and moved. If the Hegemon, the NAFTA Baffler, and the Commodifier are successful, On April 20, Democracy Girl will be locked out of The Summit of the Americas in downtown Quebec by a newly-erected 12 foot chain link fence, an impenetrable shield of corporate doublespeak and trade secrecy, a double-thick layer of media-induced apathy, and the largest police force ever assembled in Canada's history.
Line: "To the ballot box!"
Favorite FTAA Fact: On April 20, 50,000 people will be kept out of clandestine deliberations over the FTAA, as the people of the Americas have from the start. We will never have a chance to vote on an agreement that will radically alter economies throughout the hemisphere. In most countries, it will be approved by government officials who have never read it, with almost no debate.
Name: The Commodifier Location: Vienna, Austria Power: With his super price gun, he can transform anything into a commodity to be sold to the highest bidder
History: Born Herbert von Shtupp, the Commodifier was a grocery clerk in
16th century Vienna. While pricing a can of beans one day, he was struck
by lightning and became immortal. He soon realized that, with shot
fromhis price-gun, sacred nature could be turned into land, families could
be turned into wage labor, whole continents could be turned into new
markets or factors of production.
Favorite FTAA fact: If drug companies have their way, the FTAA will
include intellectual property laws that boost drug company profits but
make it harder for poor countries to provide desperately needed drugs
people with AIDS.
Line: "Can I get a price check on the human race?" (Austrian accent)
Name: Fair-Trade Frank
Location: Astoria, Queens
Powers: Super-thick skin that makes him impervious to injury [and STDs nix
this?]. Superhuman strength and hand-eye coordination allows him to place
people before profits, even in high winds. Wields a powerful placard that
can be used as shield and sword.
Fair-Trade Frank was born to Larry and Charlene Botzukowski January 17,
1956. He got involved in the movement after his job at the Ballpark hot
dog factory was shut down and the plant moved to Mexico. Missing his
beloved and tasty hot dogs, Frank bought several cats [huh? Nix?]
Attending a rally for Frank Zappa for President (1980), he accidentally
dropped one of his pets into the sewer while being assaulted by the
Corporate Claw. Frank has sworn revenge against the Corporate Claw and,
after reading Karl Polanyi, the Commodifier.
[Alternate paragraph]: At a No-to-NAFTA rally in 1992, Fair Trade Frank's
cat was exposed to a bizarre and untested mixture of pepper spray, tear
gas, and hummus. The Cat began to grow uncontrolledly, and soon found
that only through unfettered trade and free markets could he consume his
neverending hunger for profit and growth. Frank's former Siamese
longhair, now known as the Free Trade Fat Cat, teamed up with the Hegemon
and shoved NAFTA down Frank's throat, leaving him weak and horse.
Determined never to be bested again, Frank founded the Hall of Global
Justice and began building a cadre of other exceptional individuals
dedicated to global democracy, human rights, justice, and sustainability.
Only 3 years later, Fair Trade Frank and the Mobilizer were able to stop
President Clinton's bid for Fast Track trade negotiating authority.
Protests in Seattle, Washington, DC, Prague, Paris, London, India,
Australia, and elsewhere have only added to Frank's legendary strength,
and many Superhero analysts consider him unstoppable.
Favorite FTAA Fact: If the FTAA's business backers are successful, the
FTAA declare democratically enacted health, safety, labor, environmental,
and consumer protection laws to be "barriers to trade" and require
governments to get rid of them or pay compensation.
Line: "Fair-Trade Frank only drinks fairly traded beer."
Name: Transparency Girl, aka Lily Laflew
Home: Albaquerque, New Mexico
Powers: X-Ray vision allows her to see through corporate lies, neoliberal
doublespeak, and trade-treaty legalese. Also carries a magic mirror that
reflects the true backers of the FTAA, the IMF, and othe international
institutions.
History: Transparency girl worked as a scientist at Los Alamos and was a
huge supporter of the military-industrial complex. When her lab completed
the first ever open air atomic test, she was looking at it through
binoculars and found that the glass had become welded to her eyes. Later
that night, she dreamt that a hamburger took a bite out of her.
Able to see the terrible truth behind cold-war rhetoric, she abandoned her
job and devoted herself to exposing industry lies. After a string of
victories against Tobacco companies, she was working as an intern at
Adbusters magazine when Fair Trade Frank recruited her to join the Hall of
Social Justice, where she used her technological know-how to create a
magic mirror that reflects the true backers of the FTAA, the IMF, and othe
international institutions.
Transparency Girl was working to expose the sweatshop conditions under
which many designer garments are manufactured when the Corporate Claw
etched her glasses with an acid bath and imprisoned her in his underground
hideout. Captured and certain to die, she was rescued by Captain
Americas. Since her return, Transparency Girl has been relatively busy
exposing the real meaning of the FTAA.
Line: "You don't need X-ray vision to see through the FTAA."
Favorite FTAA Fact: The FTAA has been negotiated for years in secret.
Neither Congress nor the public have seen the secret text, but hundreds of
corporations have had access to the text through the U.S. Trade
Representative's Industry Sector Advisory Committees .
Name: Captain Americas, aka Steve Rogers
Home: Porto Allegre, Brazil
Powers: Has infinite strength & agility, ability to speak four languages
(French, Spanish, English, and Portugeuse), can make tortillas with one
hand and Poutine (a nearly indedible mixture of French fries, gravy, and
cheese curds that is popular in Quebec) with the other.
History: Captain Americas was formerly the patriotic Captain America,
fighting against communists, nazis, welfare mothers and other sworn
enemies of the U.S. electorate. After watching the Iran-Contra hearings
on television, he had a crisis of faith and confronted his supervisor, the
Hegemon, who imprisoned him in a steel box surrounded by a candy case
[huh? Is this funny?] at the bottom of the pacific Ocean.
He was freed several years later by the Green Lantern, who happened upon
his candy shell while fighting oil drilling.
After surfacing, Captain Americas vowed revenge on the Hegemon and
penetrated his underground hide-out. Unable to defeat his former mentor
and arch-nemesis, he was able to save Transparency Girl and escpape
unharmed. Captain Americas has been working with The Mobilizer to unite
the divided people of the Americas. This is symbolized by his sombrero
and cape. He couldn't afford new tights.
Captain America's favorite song used to be "The Ballad of the Green
Berets" by Sergeant Barry Sadler. He now likes the Dead Kennedys and Los
Fabulosos Cadillacs; also Ho-Hos.
Line: "Captain Americas will kill you now. El Capitan de los Americas te
vas a matar ahora. [get translations for the other two languages].
Favorite FTAA Fact: One million more Mexicans work for less than the
minimum wage of $3.40 per day today than before NAFTA, and during the
NAFTA period, eight million Mexicans have fallen from the middle class
into poverty. The FTAA promises more of the same for the rest of Latin
America.
Name: The NAFTA Baffler
Home: Just South of the U.S.-Mexico Border.
Powers: Uses his superhuman ability to create acronyms to create a "cloud
of confusion" that disorients and disables his opponents. Also able to
bury well-meaning people in an avalanche of dubious assumptions and
technical trade terms
History: In 1993, the NAFTA Baffler burst forth fully-formed from the
head of Bill Clinton after a late-night rendezvous between the President,
the Hegemon, the Corporate Claw, and a White House intern. The details of
this event are still shrouded in secrecy.
The Baffler honed his considerable powers by throwing peasant farmers of
the land in Mexico and shipping well-paid manufacturing jobs to
maquiladoras in the border zone, where he was able to grow strong on a
diet of raw sewage and toxic waste.
In 1995, he began spending summers in Geneva, at the headquarters of the
World Trade Organization, where he developed a taste for fine chocolate
and underage garment workers.
In 1996, he suffered a stunning defeat at the hands of Fair Trade Frank
and the Mobilizer, who foiled his evil plan to renew Fast Track trade
negotiation authority for the president. Since then, he has grown
steadily weaker as protest after protest has rocked the international
trade beaurocracy.
But sources inside his underwater lair say he is working with a consortium
of other Supervillains headquartered in Qatar, including the Hegemon, Dr.
W, and the Corporate Claw, to create a new superweapon known as the Free
Trade Area of the Americas. he has developed a new superweapon called the
Free Trade Area of the Americas (FTAA) that will expand his powers to
every country in the western hemisphere (except Cuba) and make him
virtually unstoppable.
Line: NAFTA isn't about the environment. It's about expanding trade.
Which is hampered by NTBT's. That's why we have GATS, TRIPS, TRIMS, and
TBT's, see? To increase the MRP. So we need to get rid of environmental
laws ASAP. See
Favorite FTAA Fact: The FTAA will likely allow foreign corporations to
demand subsidies or contracts from governments that provide important
public services (like education, water and other utilities, hospitals,
etc.). Under NAFTA, the United Parcel Service has sued Canada because
Canada Post delivers packages, a service that UPS says competes unfairly
with their own deliveries.
Name: The Corporate Claw
Home: Manhattan
Powers: Secretes a specialized compound (known as Campaign K.A.S.H.)
which makes politicians powerless to resist him. Often uses this power to
mobilize police force in order to protect corporate profits and
criminalize his opponents.
History: The origin of the Corporate claw is shrouded in mystery. Careful
observers have noted that if he does not grow, he will quickly die, and
documentary evidence suggests that the Corporate Claw entered our universe
through a wormhole in the Supreme Court in 1887, when corporations were
declare to be legal persons under the U.S. legal system.
Since then, the Corporate Claw has been responsible for an extraordinary
range of atrocities, from slave labor, to global warming, to the
Backstreet Boys. Computer models show that, given the Corporate Claw's
voracious appetite and unparalleled power, he will devour the planet
itself within the next 60-140 years if not stopped. The Corporate Claw is
currently working with a consortium of other Supervillains headquartered
in Qatar, including the Hegemon, Dr. W, and the NAFTA Baffler, to create a
new superweapon known as the Free Trade Area of the Americas.
Superheros who have faught against the corporate claw suggest that his
only weaknesses are his lack of creativity and his fondness for Khakis on
"casual Friday."
Line: "What's Good for GM is Good for America, Motherfucker."
Favorite FTAA Fact: Like NAFTA, the FTAA will allow corporations to
directly sue foreign governments whenever health, safety, and
environmental laws impinge on future profits.
Name: The Hegemon
Home: Washington, DC
Powers: Able to veto decisions of the United Nations, the World Bank, and
the IMF. Able to compel virtually all nations on the planet to do his
bidding. Able to create irresistible dishes (the Big Mac) and
entertainment forms (Baywatch) that penetrate alien cultures and devour
them from within.
History: The Hegemon was created by inventor Benjamin Franklin in 1776,
when he accidentally routed the lead from his new "lightning rod" through
a bucket containing several dead Turkeys and half a book by the
Philosopher John Locke.
For 100 years, he grew stronger by devouring extra people from around the
world. His strength remained largely untested, however, until two massive
battles with Germany in the middle of the last century. Suddenly aware of
his own near-indestructibility, he began acting with impunity across the
planet, resulting in widespread misery and chain restaurants. Until the
90's, his power was threatened only once, by the British Pop Invasion.
Now, however, he is locked in a pitched battle for global domination
against Fair Trade Frank and the other residents of the Hall of Global
Justice: Democracy Man, The Mobilizer, Transparency Grrl, and Captain
Americas. Unconfirmed rumors suggest that the Hegemon has been working
with a consortium of other Supervillains headquartered in Qatar, including
the Corporate Claw, Dr. W, and the NAFTA Baffler, to create a new
superweapon known as the Free Trade Area of the Americas.
Line: America--Love it or Leave it BABY!
Favorite FTAA Fact: If its corporate backers are successful, the FTAA
will allow U.S. Corporations to sue Latin American countries and force
them to privatize critical public services like water, health care,
education. Experience with IMF structural adjustment programs suggest
that this will allow those same corporations to buy public assets at
fire-sale prices, and then jack up the prices citizens pay for services.
Name: Dr. W
Home: Texas/Washington, DC/ Yale University
Powers: Despite having no special powers to speak of (other than an
uncanny ability to remember peoples' names) Dr. W is widely considered the
most powerful man in the World.
History: W was raised by an oil baron from Connecticut who had property
in Texas. At age 7, he was searching through his father's study when he
came across a secret test weapon that his father (then the chief of the
CIA) had brought home from work. Tragically, W accidentally shot himself
with this "Mediocrity Ray." His future prospects destroyed, W retreated to
hard drugs and the supportive cocoon of his fraternity.
Fearing that they would one day have to support his habit, W's father and
brother worked ceaselessly to get him a job as the President of the U.S.
Now, White House sources say Dr. W. is working with a consortium of other
Supervillains headquartered in Qatar, including the Hegemon, the Corporate
Claw, and the NAFTA Baffler, to create a new superweapon known as the Free
Trade Area of the Americas.
Line: "What's business, what's good for business, is America. Is what's
good for America. The FTAA, that's business for America and America for
business. You know, partnerships."
Favorite FTAA Fact: Facts are not his strong point. He's a "vision" guy.
Maybe you could ask the Vice President?